don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
