I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
