remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
