I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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