My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
