There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
