i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
