tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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