well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
