You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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