Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
