but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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