I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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