In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
