so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
