dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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