call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
