she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
