So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
