Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
