Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
