so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
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i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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