I cannot find my penis.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
