I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
