wrigley field is MILF paradise
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
