dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
