I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
