I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
