Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
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