if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
