And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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