I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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