If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
