glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
