We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize