my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
