I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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