You're my little dorito
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
