i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
