I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
