my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
