I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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