Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
