dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
