So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
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