i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
