i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
