so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
