About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
