Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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