I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
