So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
