she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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