bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
