Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
