Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Im part way to drunk.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
