You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
