3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize