I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
