Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I wish you could order shots online.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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