Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
