the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
