If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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