Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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