youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
