those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
