Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
