There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
There's always time for handjobs
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
