I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
