sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
