you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
