We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
