I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
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you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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