I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
