he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
